Udělali jste tedy nepředstavitelné. Podváděl jsi a chceš to říct svému partnerovi. Podváděl jsi svého partnera a chceš mu to říct. S největší pravděpodobností uvažujete o tom, že to partnerovi řeknete, protože se cítíte provinile. Určitě jste si ve své hlavě nakreslili spoustu scénářů.
Určitě jste několikrát cvičili v zrcadle, každý řádek, který chcete použít, a pohyby těla, které musíte udělat. Možná jste se dokonce pokusili sdělit to svému partnerovi poté, co jste jednu noc cvičili 1001krát, a myslím, že oba víme, jak to šlo. Protože tady jste, čtete můj článek a stále hledám pomoc.
Infidelity is a betrayal of trust, the earlier you recognize that you’ve done a bad thing, the better. However, this does not make you a bad person, we are humans and we make mistakes. If you’ve cheated on your partner, telling him about the infidelity will end in one of two ways; redeem the relationship and your partner’s trust or bring the relationship to an end.
Understanding this and still considering telling your partner already makes you the bigger person. That being said, here are 19 ways to tell someone you cheated.
Obsah
9 Ways To Tell Someone You Cheated
1. Ask yourself why
If you are planning to come clean about cheating, then you must understand why you cheated. This is not only for analysis sake or because you are reading it now, but because you need to know for the sake of your partner and the relationship.
You need to be prepared because when you finally inform your partner. He will want to know why you cheated too, and “I don’t know” is never a good response.
Take out time and ask yourself the following questions about cheating, “Did I do this to finally, have an excuse to leave the relationship?”, “Were we both in a rough place in the relationship at the time?”, “Did I do it for the thrill?”, “Did I do this to spite him?”, “Did I do it because the sex was boring between us?”, “Did I do it to feel attractive again?”, “Do I still love him and want to make this work?”.
2. Forgive yourself
Although you have done a bad thing, it does not make you a bad person for cheating. It does not mean you are a chronic cheat or you will cheat in your subsequent relationships or marriage.
After finding out why you cheated, try to forgive yourself. It is not the time to self loathe and lose yourself. You need to be in the right frame of mind to make things work and also know what the next line of action is.
Also, before you have a conversation about the reasons for the cheating, you need to determine what you want from the relationship moving forward. Do you want to make it work, or is it time to pump the brakes on the relationship?
You need to be sincere with yourself. Ask yourself “Am I willing to remain in this out of mere pity?” “do I want to make this work?” “Am I tired of the relationship?”
3. Location matters
It will be very manipulative of you to come clean at a location that you know your partner has sentimental attachments to, like where you had your first date, or your first kiss, or your favorite spot. Not only is it out of touch and manipulating, but it will also forever impair the good memories you have shared at said location.
Also, this is the part where you address the elephant in the room. Be as clear as possible, don’t try to exaggerate or understate the events. Also, talk about how it happened and how many times it happened. Don’t hide or minimize words to say as it is best to say it all than to leave your partner to imagine the details of the event.
Say things like “I liked the attention I was getting and he seemed attractive at the time. However, this does justify my actions” not “He was giving me attention, and he knew how to make my nether regions wet with just a stare”.
4. Take responsibility
You did it. You broke your partner’s trust. You disrespected your relationship/marriage. Take responsibility, don’t try to shift blames, nobody pushed you to do it, nobody pointed a gun to your head.
You were aware of the circumstance, you knew you were putting your relationship on the line but you did it anyway. You had time to think of multiple reasons to not cheat on your partner, you had the choice to not do it, but you did it. So be a grown-up and accept the fact that you messed up.
Also, remember that you don’t have anything to defend. You are in the wrong, for being a cheating partner, this is the time to apologize and make things right at their pace, not the time for you to defend your character. Not the time to defend your actions, you are not in the court of law. Prepare to deal with their reactions, no matter what it is don’t be defensive.
5. Don’t try to control their reactions
Humans react to things differently. You feel horrible about it, yes, but simply because you say and feel that way, does not invalidate their reactions or emotions towards you. Do not expect sympathy simply because you were honest about the affair. You disrespected the relationship, give them the freedom to react in any way they want to.
If they are screaming out in anger, now is not the time to tell them to keep their voice low because of the neighbors. If they start crying, now is not the time to tell them to stop crying. If they tell you to leave or if your partner wants you to leave, kindly respect their wish. And if they are completely quiet, it is wrong to pressure them into talking.
6. Apologize and mean it
Tell him how sorry you are and mean every single word. Don’t say “ I am sorry, but” avoid the use of but as much as possible. It makes it look like you are looking for an excuse and you are trying to justify your actions.
So, instead of saying “I am sorry, but we can both agree that the relationship (or marriage) was not in a good place at the time. Say “nothing justifies my actions, I betrayed us when we needed me most” you can agree that it sounds more sincere.
Also, try saying sorry is not enough. Understanding the depth of what you are apologizing for and asking your partner to ignore or look past is important. You are asking him to look beyond the disrespect and risk you put him through. I think this will help you curb your reactions or at least stop you from overreacting.
Before you apologize, reflect on what you have done and understand how deep it is. Understand that cheating, no matter how many times or how loyal you have been in the past is a big deal and most likely a deal-breaker.
7. Make restitution
Tell the truth and ask if there is any way you can help in rebuilding back your trustworthiness. This is if your partner still wants in on the relationship. Let them know you are willing to do everything in your power to make it better and more. Tell them what you are willing to do, don’t only say the words, back them up with a lot of action.
You can also ask them what you can do to make things better between you two. I understand that you cannot control whether your partner will ever forgive you, but at least let them know you are willing to try.
Also remember that sometimes, it is better to just stay quiet and look. Just let them vent and let it all out. This is after you have relayed every activity surrounding the cheating, without omitting, understating, or exaggerating any part of the information.
Just watch him react and don’t interrupt or try to minimize the extent of his reactions to what you have just said. It’s a big deal, so give him decorum, he deserves that much.
8. Be patient
If your partner agrees to work on the relationship and try all over again, you have to be patient. As there will be good days and bad days as he tries to trust you again. There will be days where he would be distant and feel insecure because of the lack of trust.
Remind yourself that it’s not easy for them and instead of getting frustrated, try hard to reassure your partner that you are fully committed to the relationship and that was a one-time thing.
Also, this is not the time to call your girlfriends or his homies to intervene for you as this is between both of you and you should only share the information if you both agree to. It is also not a series you are reading. This is his reality, and reporting or making other people come to have a conversation with him about the situation is like making him relive the situation.
So, unless you are both okay with talking to your friends about the situation, it is best to trust that your partner will decide at their own time, no matter how long you have to wait.
9. Don’t be so hard on yourself
We both know you messed up, but everyone does, some just do it on a larger scale than others, so don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t punish yourself so much for not choosing to do the right thing. It happens even to the best of us.
I když se mýlíte, neospravedlňuje to žádnou formu emocionálního nebo fyzického týrání, na které by váš partner mohl reagovat. Pokud to začíná být urážlivé a manipulativní, respektujte se natolik, abyste se omluvili ze vztahu nebo manželství.
Pokud jste ochotni vyhledat odbornou pomoc, bude to pro vašeho partnera znamenat, že jste připraveni zajistit, aby s nimi věci fungovaly. I když to neposkytuje 100% jistotu, že se věci vyřeší poté, co vyhledáte odbornou pomoc, alespoň jste to zkusili, navrhli jste řešení.
Profesionál vytvoří bezpečné prostředí pro vás oba, abyste odstranili své rozdíly a hovořili o situaci v příznivém prostředí. A jako neutrální třetí strana nemá vůči vám ani vašemu partnerovi žádné city, takže je to snadné.
Časté dotazy
- Jak mám říct svému partnerovi, že jsem podváděl?
Jediným dobrým způsobem je uvést to přesně, jak se to stalo, aniž byste to podcenili, aby vypadalo méně, než je, nebo přehánějte, aby vypadalo víc, než je. Když jim řeknete pravdu o událostech, je to nejlepší způsob, jak odhalit svému partnerovi, kterého jste podváděli.
- Máte někoho rádi, když ho podvádíte?
Nevěra je neuctivá. Myslím, že můžete někoho neúctit, i když ho milujete. Je to však míra neúcty, která určuje hloubku vaší lásky. Byla to jednorázová věc? Mohli jste vyklouznout, ale když se nevěra opakuje, už to není láska. Již nepracujete tvrdě, abyste respektovali svého partnera nebo vztah.
- Měli byste přiznat, že podvádíte?
Ano, měli byste odhalit, že jste podváděli. Nepřipuštění k nevěře lže, takže teď nejste jen podvodník, ale také podvodník. Upřímně řečeno, vždy je nejlepší politika, takže pokud chcete zůstat spolu, musíte říct všechno. Vyčistit může být těžké a možná budete muset vykonat přísnou práci a být vůči svému partnerovi úmyslní, než vám bude moci znovu věřit. Ale přežití to posílí vztah.
- Měli byste svému partnerovi říct, s kým jste podváděli?
To je zbytečné, pokud se nezeptají na podrobnosti, zkuste to co nejvíce, aby váš partner viděl, že je pro vás bezvýznamný. Neříkejte mu, koho jste podváděli, kromě toho, že je vám nebo kolegovi společným přítelem. Nevědomost je blaženost z nějakého důvodu.
- Proč lidé podvádějí lidi, milují?
Většinou jde spíše o podvodníka než o podváděnou osobu. Mohou být v obtížné fázi svého života a rozhodnou se jednat. Možná se již nebudou cítit sexuálně přitahováni ke svým partnerům a možná by chtěli vyzkoušet sexuální vztahy s jinými lidmi. Žádný důvod nemůže ospravedlnit neúctu k partnerovi nevěrou, ale musíte pochopit, že činy lidí odrážejí to, čím procházejí.
Celkem
Doufám, že se vám to líbilo stejně, jako se mi líbilo psát každý kousek. Jste na správné cestě výběrem poctivosti a konverzací, abyste svému partnerovi řekli pravdu. Pokračujte a postupujte podle kroků v tomto článku pro opětovné vybudování důvěry.
Pokud jste rádi četli, laskavě to sdílejte s ostatními.